


For Now (I'll Take You As I Can)

by kind-of-always-late (intransient_adventure)



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-27
Updated: 2014-05-27
Packaged: 2018-01-26 18:09:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1697669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/intransient_adventure/pseuds/kind-of-always-late
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Short-ish fic to bridge the Cophine gap between 2x01 and 2x02.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For Now (I'll Take You As I Can)

Cosima lounged back on Felix’s couch, head sunk into the pillows. She stared absently at the ceiling, one foot crossed lazily over the other, and twirled an unlit joint between her fingers. She contemplated lighting it. It wouldn’t be her first today, and she didn’t feel particularly _inclined_ to smoke at the moment, but dammit if she wasn’t _bored_. Her fingers itched for her lighter.

 _Probably a bad idea, considering the whole degenerating-lungs-thing_ , she thought. _Probably gonna have to cut back on that. Shit._

She sighed and tucked the joint behind her ear. She wished Sarah would come back with her glasses already. She’d already mentally berated herself for leaving her spare frames back in Minnesota, but then again this hadn’t exactly been a planned trip. She wished she could stop vacillating between being so goddamned annoyed with Sarah and with being more than a small bit terrified for her safety. Mostly she wished that she didn’t feel so damned _helpless_ here.

Screw Sarah for snatching her things like that. Screw Sarah for her stupid, rash impulses. And screw Sarah for putting herself in danger. Again.

She wished Sarah had maybe _warned_ her that she was going to take her glasses. Bitch.

(She also kind of wished she knew whether Sarah was okay)

She exhaled slowly, tilting her head to let her ear rest on the pillow. Everything in Felix’s apartment lacked a definite edge. She wasn’t blind by any means, but even the scattered pages resting at arm’s length on the table appeared a bit soft. The further bits of furniture simply blended into one another, all fuzzy splotches of color. At first it had fascinated her: the peculiar way the soft watercolor of Felix’s apartment slowly manifested itself into a collection of recognizable objects the closer she moved. All hard lines and angles, all clear stopping and ending points until she moved away again and everything returned to a pleasant blur. She seldom spent time inspecting the world without the aid of her glasses, and viewing her surroundings in soft-focus had initially been mildly soothing.

Now she just had a headache.

The soft glow of her laptop cast a faint blue light over the papers she’d strewn about the table. She’d tried to look over her genome, had tried to pull up some of Katja’s files, had tried to make herself useful in some way. But she was tired. Her eyes ached from the glow of the too-close screen and from the effort of squinting at the papers with the too-small writing. Finally she tossed everything aside and lay back on the couch, helpless and frustrated.

Her body ached.

There had been no sleep last night. There had been only Delphine, hugging her crushingly close. Only Delphine, skin salty with tears and sweat. Only Delphine, bending up into her hand as she cried out. Only Delphine, breathless and desperate.

She ached.

Everything had been a frantic blur of hot skin and shimmering needles and cool, gloved hands. A blur of _we’s_ and _I’s_ and _you’s_ that seemed to be all-too-speedily bleeding into one another.

It was too soon. Too soon to let Delphine back in, but she had. And she couldn’t bring herself to regret it.

She sighed and laid her arm across her forehead. She wished Sarah would come back.

Just then, Cosima heard a sharp knock on the door. Relief washed over her. She was _safe_.

As her concern for Sarah’s safety dissipated, her frustration rushed full-force to the center.

“It’s open, Sarah!” she barked, irritated.

A pause was followed by a softer knock.

“Ugh.”

Cosima swung her feet off the couch and dragged herself to the door, forcing the heavy latch open.

“I swear, Sarah. It took you long enou—   oh.”

She stiffened at the sight of Delphine, arms crossed over her body, towering above her in severe heels. An oversized bag hung at her side.

 _Shit_ , she thought. _Shit._ _What had happened?_ _Where was Sarah? Shit._

“Delphine.”

“Hello. May… may I come in?”

Perhaps it was the way her hair was pulled back or the way Cosima had to tilt her head up farther than usual to meet her gaze, but even in her hesitance Delphine seemed oddly intimidating in this particular moment.

“Yeah, uh, yeah. Of course. I was just, uh. Well, nobody’s home. I’m pretty bored, really.”

Delphine cocked her head, regarding her inquisitively.

“You’re not wearing your glasses.” There was an odd glint in her eye.

“Oh, you know. I take them off sometimes. I was, uh, napping on the couch, anyway,” she said, carelessly gesturing to the center of the room.

“Hmmm” Delphine said, stepping just inside the doorway. Cosima moved to close the heavy door.

“So, uh, why are you here? What’s up? Is the DYAD thing over?” Cosima continued, doing her best to sound casual. She realized too late that she’d maybe asked too many consecutive questions to fit the bill of _casual_. She tried to keep from squinting, but she strained to bring Delphine’s blurry features into focus ( _probably also not really helping with the casual_ , she thought).

“It is not quite, but I left a bit early,” Delphine replied. She paused, and then, “You never texted to let me know that you were not coming.”

Cosima felt her cheeks go hot with guilt. “Oh, I didn’t?” she feigned, hoping the lie would land better than it felt coming off her tongue. “Weird, I thought I did. Probably just forgot to hit send.” She forced a laugh.  
  
“Perhaps,” Delphine allowed, an odd mix of mischief and hurt. Cosima couldn’t quite pin it.

“You know, for a moment I thought you had come.”

“Oh?” Cosima asked, not fully grasping her meaning.

“Yes,” Delphine replied, the ‘s’ trailing off her lips all breath. She stared at Cosima pointedly.

Cosima’s eyes widened.

“ _Oh._ ”

Delphine’s lips pursed into a tight smile. 

“I, um… Shit, Delphine, I…”

“Did you know?” she asked, gently inquisitive.  
  
If her tone had been accusatory, perhaps Cosima could have lied. But the note of _hurt_ that had nestled itself into each soft word led Cosima to give herself away. She simply shrugged, guilty. And anyway, she was too tired to lie.

“I wish you would have told me,” Delphine said, eyes cast aside.

( _You_ _still don’t trust me)_  

_(No, but I want to.)_

“Shit, Delphine. I’m sorry. I guess I didn’t really think… and I didn’t really have much of an opportunity, ya know? I mean, Sarah ran it by me, and I didn’t exactly say no, but then she sort of just disappeared all of the sudden. She took my glasses when I was in the shower, _and_ my coat. So, uh, yeah. _So_ not my plan,” she finished, waving her guilt away, punctuated with a clatter of silver bangles.

“Hm.” Delphine offered again.

“Is… is she okay? Sarah?”

“Yes, I believe so. She – she made it out of the DYAD, anyway. I don’t know how, exactly, but Aldous was not happy when he found out he had been fooled.”

“Hm,” Cosima replied, choosing to ignore the familiarity that _Aldous_ implied. Delphine had been referring to him as such with more and more frequency, but she supposed it made sense. They were coworkers, after all.

And Sarah was okay. That was what mattered.

The two women stood in the doorway: Delphine, tall and rigid; Cosima, small and restless. Cosima found herself suddenly uncomfortably aware of her hands. She twisted them together in front of her, gazing to the floor and cocking a hip.

“Oh, sorry. Do you wanna, like, come in?” she gestured, “I can make tea or something.”

“Okay,” Delphine said, regarding Cosima with an inquisitive skepticism that unnerved her slightly.

Delphine laid the bag at her feet and settled herself stiffly on the couch. Cosima made her way to the kitchen, carefully reaching for the kettle.

“So, what brings you here?” she asked cautiously, cracking a sideways smile. “Am I in trouble over this whole Sarah thing?”

Delphine remained stoic.

“Aldous suspects that you are implicated, but I think I managed to convince him otherwise. He has no evidence to prove that you were involved, and I assured him that you were unaware of Sarah’s… charade.”

“Oh… well, thanks for that,” Cosima said sheepishly. She was momentarily put off by Delphine’s clinical tone.

“Hm,” was yet again all Delphine offered in response, this time sinking her teeth into her lip.

Cosima filled the kettle, misjudging the distance to the stove and landing it onto the burner with a loud “clank.”

“Shit! Sorry.”

“Perhaps you should not lend your glasses away so readily,” Delphine jested.

Cosima smiled in response.

“Noted. Although, like I said, kind of wasn’t my decision,” she replied, making her way over to Delphine. “So are you just here to grill me about Sarah? Or are you here because you totally missed me?” she teased, sidling up to the couch.

Delphine smiled in spite of herself.

“Actually,” she began, “It turns out that Sarah is not the best at keeping track of her things. Or, more specifically” she continued, reaching into her bag, “Of your things.”

Delphine held up Cosima’s glasses, smirking.

“Shit, for real?” Cosima exclaimed, snatching her glasses back. “Sarah just left them there?”

“Yes, she left them inside of this purse,” she explained, holding up a black bag.

“Ugh, seriously? That’s mine, too.” _Bitch_ , she thought, settling her glasses back onto her nose. It was refreshing to see everything clearly again.  
  
“Wait, shit. Was my coat there? Dude, if Sarah left that behind, I swear I will…” 

(Cosima found that it was suddenly much easier to be angry with Sarah now that Delphine had assured her she was not dead or captured)

“I may have… rescued that for you, as well,” Delphine said, pulling the familiar red coat out of her own bag.

“Oh my god. Delphine, you like, totally rock. Seriously. Thank you.” A pause. “How did you even get these?”

“Oh, well, I went down with Aldous to investigate. Your things were there, outside of his office. That is part of the reason I had such a difficult time convincing him that you were not involved.” 

Cosima bit back the desire to ask Delphine what _exactly_ Sarah had done. That was a question better suited for Sarah herself.

“How did you know it wasn’t me?” she asked instead.

Delphine blushed.

“I may have, euh, met Sarah.”

“Really?” Cosima inquired, one eyebrow quirked.

“Oui. And I, euh…” Delphine bit her lip, blushing furiously.

“Oh my god. You didn’t!” Cosima’s eyes went wide with arch disbelief. She sat back on the couch, legs tucked beneath her, and regarded Delphine with buoyant curiosity. She smirked. “Well that’s interesting.”

Delphine shrugged, head bowed. “I was excited that you had come,” she uttered, dropping her hands into her lap and wringing them together.

Guilt panged in Cosima’s chest. She’d been so wrapped up in her reservations about Delphine that it somehow hadn’t occurred to her that _Delphine_ could be hurt, as well. That maybe she, too, was more entangled in this than she would like to admit. 

“Hey, I’m sorry. I know I should have told you. I just… “

 _(can’t trust you yet. I just can’t trust you yet._ )  
  
The words rang soft in her skull. She knew that Delphine could feel them.

Cosima was saved by the whistle of the tea kettle. She mumbled a quick “One sec,” before leaping off the couch and returning shortly with two cups of tea. She placed them gingerly on the table before sinking back into the couch, one leg tucked under herself.

“I mean, it’s a lot. You know? I can’t just… I don’t know if I can work there, Delphine. You guys patented _people_.”

 _Patented me_ , she thought bitterly.

“Please, just meet with Leekie tomorrow. You can discuss the contract and make any requests that you like.”

“I don’t know, Delphine…”

“Please, Cosima,” she pleaded. “You are sick, and the DYAD can help. _We_ can use the DYAD to help.”

That damned _we_ again, Cosima thought. She shook her head and opened her mouth to speak, but Delphine reached out and grasped her hands with surprising fervor.

“ _I_ want you there. With me. We can solve this, Cosima. _Please_.”

 _But this is exactly what they want_ , Cosima thought. _They want me there._

Delphine’s eyes searched hers, brimming with intensity. Cosima marveled at the way this woman could shift with such terrifying ease from such clinical stoicism to such brilliant burning passion. Delphine still hadn’t released the firm grasp of her hands, and Cosima could feel her rings digging into her flesh. 

She wanted to believe her. She wanted to believe everything about her.

She couldn’t. She knew that, rationally. She couldn’t trust Delphine. But she also knew that Delphine was _right_ about this. DYAD was her best option right now, regardless of whether or not she could trust anyone involved with them.

“Fine,” she conceded, tight-lipped. Delphine squeezed her hands more tightly and bit down on her lip to suppress a smile. “But they can’t know I’m sick, okay? I research myself on my own. DYAD still doesn’t get my samples. I’ll study the other clothes there, but that’s it. Okay?”  
  
Delphine’s face fell, but she agreed nonetheless. 

“I will call Leekie and set up a meeting for tomorrow,” she said, reaching for her phone, “I promise you, Cosima, you will not regret this.” 

“Hm, we’ll see. This doesn’t mean I trust any of this, though.”

Delphine nodded, “Of course.”

Delphine’s conversation with Leekie was blissfully brief, and afterwards she tossed her phone aside and settled herself back on the couch. She opened her mouth to speak, but Cosima cut her off. Details on the meeting could wait until later.

“So… Sarah, huh?” she teased.  
  
“Oh, merde,” Delphine groaned, burying her head in her hands. “Please, Cosima. I do not want to talk about it.”  
  
“No?” she asked, quirking an eyebrow. Her eyes twinkled impishly.

“Non.”

“I would think that, as a scientist, you would have spotted the differences right away. Power of observation and all that,” Cosima purred, shifting closer to Delphine. She laid a hand on her thigh, squeezing gently.

“How long did it take you?”  
  
“Longer than I would care to admit,” she shared, red-faced.

“Hmmm,” Cosima purred, straddling her. “We might need to work on your science skills, Dr. Cormier. Can’t even tell your subjects apart.” Delphine slid a palm behind Cosima’s neck, pulling her close until she could feel warm breath on her lips.

“Hm, well most scientists’ subjects do not make a habit of impersonating one another,’ she joked, sliding her free hand down to Cosima’s ass.

“Yeah, well most scientists aren’t working on illegal human cloning trials, are they?” she challenged, sliding a hand around to rest just above Delphine’s breast. Cosima’s eyes danced playfully against Delphine’s, but they both knew that this was dangerous territory for conversation, even in jest.

“Perhaps I should go,” Delphine offered, pulling back a bit. “Sarah and Felix, they will be home soon, yes?”

Cosima grazed her fingertips along Delphine’s arms before grasping her wrists and pulling her back in.

“It’s late. I kind of don’t think so,” she hummed, “And this apartment is kind of scary alone.”

“Is it?” Delphine simpered.

“Totally terrifying,” Cosima assured her, leaning in to brush soft lips against her ear. “And I think you’ve been wearing that dress for long enough.”

She smiled into the kiss as Delphine surged forward to meet her, hips bucking softly.

 _This_ , she thought as Delphine moaned against her. _This_ , she thought as dresses were tugged over heads and skin bled into skin. _This_ , as Delphine’s nipple went erect against her tongue. _This_ , as she guided Delphine’s hand between her legs. _This_ , as she dug her nails into the flesh of Delphine’s back. _This. This. This._

If she couldn’t have trust or autonomy or even safety, she could at least have _alive_. She could at least have Delphine’s fingers working a steady rhythm against her, could at least have eager hands burying themselves in cascading curls, could at least have the salty taste of Delphine’s skin as she bit down into her shoulder.

 _Alive_. 

And, lying entangled with a sleeping Delphine in Felix’s bed, she did feel very much _alive_. With the heat of Delphine’s naked body pressed against her back, with Delphine’s arm wound firmly around her middle, she felt stupidly _safe_. She knew she didn’t have that luxury – safety – but she felt it nonetheless. Delphine made her feel a great many things, and none of them were decidedly _safe_. But alive? Loved, even? Those things she could have, however precarious. At least for now.

She twined her fingers with Delphine’s, lifting her hand and turning it over. For a moment she simply regarded their knitted fingers, smiling sadly. She placed a gentle kiss into the center of Delphine’s palm before guiding her arm to rest back around her waist. Immediately she felt Delphine stir and shift against her, pulling Cosima in close and leaning in to plant a soft kiss against her shoulder. 

This. At least for now there was this.


End file.
